Saturday, July 31, 2010

Carl Maria who?

Sorry to bring this up again, but in 1810, composer Carl Maria von Weber wrote that Beethoven's later compositions, beginning with the 3rd Symphony, "seem to me hopeless chaos, an incomparable struggle for novelty, out of which break a few heavenly flashes of genius proving how great he could be if he would tame his rich fantasy."

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Musicians Dictionary


AGENT: a character who resents performers getting 90% of his salary.
ARRANGER: a guy who writes to support a drinking habit.
BALLET: an art form for people with eating disorders.
BANDSTAND: the area furthest away from an electrical outlet.
BIG BAND: nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians.
BROADWAY PIT JOB: a prison sentence disguised as a gig.
CABARET: a venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town.
CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME: god's way of telling you that you've practiced too much.
CATERER: a man whose hatred for musicians is unrivaled.
CHANTEUSE: a singer with an accent and no time.
CLASSICAL COMPOSER: a man ahead of his time and behind in the rent.
CLUBDATER: god's way of telling you that you didn't practice enough.
CLUB DATE LEADER: someone who changes his name from Kaminsky to Kaye.
CONTINENTAL VIOLINIST: a guy who rushes like he's trying to catch the last train to Budapest.
CONTRACTOR: a man whose funeral nobody goes to.
CRUISE SHIP WORK: a gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up.
DOWNBEAT: the magazine that would have you believe that all jazz musicians are working.
ELECTRIC PIANO: the instrument that enables its player to pay for the hernia he sustained lifting it.
HOTEL PIANIST: a guy who looks good in a tux.
JAZZ: the only true american art form beloved by europeans.
JAZZ FESTIVAL: an event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on the B&O railroad.
MELLOPHONE: an instrument best put to use when converted into a lamp.
METRONOME: the arch enemy of chanteuses and cantors.
MOVIE COMPOSER: someone who can write like anyone except himself.
NEW AGE : a musical substitute for Valium.
NEW YEARS EVE: the night of the year when contractors are forced to hire musicians they despise.
ORCHESTRATOR: the musician who enhances a composer's music, only to be chastised for it.
PERCUSSIONIST: a drummer who can't swing.
PERFECT PITCH: the ability to pinpoint any note and still play out of tune.
PIANIST: an archaic term for a keyboard player.
PRODIGY: a kid who has as much chance at a normal childhood as the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.
RAGA: the official music of New York's Taxi and Limousine Commission.
RARE VIOLIN: a Stradivarius, not to be confused with a rare violinist, which is someone over four foot eleven.
SIDEMAN: the appellation that guarantees a musician will never be rich.
STAFF MUSICIAN: harder to locate than a cavity in the Osmond family.
STEADY ENGAGEMENT: look up in Webster's Dictionary under the word "obsolete."
24\7: the time signature of the national anthem of India.
UNION REP: a guy who thinks big bands are coming back.
VERSE: the part of a tune that's disposable, except to its composer.
VIOLA D'AMORE: a baroque string instrument and coincidentally the hooker Bach lost his virginity to.
WURLITZER: the Ford Pinto of pianos.
YANNI: a man blessed with great hair for music.

John Forster - A Mismatch Made in Hell

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Felicidad America (Obama - Obama) and HOPE - Obama Musical Story

Two special videos from Germany

Obamasong (Yes We Can) by Guy 'Magic' Fingers & Barack Obama

Equal time... Inspired by Henry Hey....

Katie went to Haiti, by Cole Porter

Katie went to Haiti
by Cole Porter
Published November, 1939.
Introduced by Ether Merman
and ensemble.
Refrain I

Katie went to Haiti,
Stopped off for a rest.
Katie met a natie,
Katie was impressed.
After a week in Haiti
She started to go away,
Then Katie met another natie,
So Katie prolonged her stay.
After a month in Haiti
She decided to resume her trip,
But Katie met still another natie
And Katie missed the ship.
So Katie lived in Haiti,
Her life there, it was great,
’Cause Katie knew her Haiti
And practically all Haiti knew Katie.

Refrain 2

Katie stayed in Haiti
Spending all her pay.
Katie met a natie
Ev'ry other day.
Katie would tell the natie
That Katie was out for thrills.
Each natie got a few for Katie
And Katie, she got the bills.
After a year in Haiti
She decided she should really go
But Katie had lived at such a ratie
That Katie had no dough.
So Katie stuck to Haiti
Delighted with her fate,
'Cause Katie still had Haiti
And practically all Kaiti had katie.

Refrain 3

Katie looked at Haiti
Feeling rather tired.
Katie met a natie.
Katie was inspired.
After another natie
She sat down and wrote a book,
A guidebook for visitors to Haiti
Called "Listen, Stop, and Look!"
After the book by Katie
Had been published in the U.S.A.
The ratie of tourist trade in Haiti
Got bigger ev'ry day.
When Katie died at eighty
They buried her in state,
For Katie made her Haiti
And practically all Haiti made Katie.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Arranger Joke

An L.A. recording session ground to a halt yesterday when an oboe player, who was constantly sucking on her reed during rests and between takes, inadvertently inhaled and swallowed it.

The conductor immediately called 911 and asked what he should do.

The operator told him, "Use muted trumpet instead."