The Wit and Wisdom of Singers and Musicians

Bach in the 21st Century

2011-05-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

Very clever use of Bach:

Not Your Ordinary Cellists

2011-01-26T08:22:00.000-08:00

Carl Maria who?

2010-07-31T13:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry to bring this up again, but in 1810, composer Carl Maria von Weber wrote that Beethoven's later compositions, beginning with the 3rd Symphony, "seem to me hopeless chaos, an incomparable struggle for novelty, out of which break a few heavenly flashes of genius proving how great he could be if he would tame his rich fantasy."

Musicians Dictionary

2010-03-04T13:16:00.000-08:00

MUSICIAN'S DICTIONARY

AGENT: a character who resents performers getting 90% of his salary.
ARRANGER: a guy who writes to support a drinking habit.
BALLET: an art form for people with eating disorders.
BANDSTAND: the area furthest away from an electrical outlet.
BIG BAND: nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians.
BROADWAY PIT JOB: a prison sentence disguised as a gig.
CABARET: a venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town.
CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME: god's way of telling you that you've practiced too much.
CATERER: a man whose hatred for musicians is unrivaled.
CHANTEUSE: a singer with an accent and no time.
CLASSICAL COMPOSER: a man ahead of his time and behind in the rent.
CLUBDATER: god's way of telling you that you didn't practice enough.
CLUB DATE LEADER: someone who changes his name from Kaminsky to Kaye.
CONTINENTAL VIOLINIST: a guy who rushes like he's trying to catch the last train to Budapest.
CONTRACTOR: a man whose funeral nobody goes to.
CRUISE SHIP WORK: a gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up.
DOWNBEAT: the magazine that would have you believe that all jazz musicians are working.
ELECTRIC PIANO: the instrument that enables its player to pay for the hernia he sustained lifting it.
HOTEL PIANIST: a guy who looks good in a tux.
JAZZ: the only true american art form beloved by europeans.
JAZZ FESTIVAL: an event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on the B&O railroad.
MELLOPHONE: an instrument best put to use when converted into a lamp.
METRONOME: the arch enemy of chanteuses and cantors.
MOVIE COMPOSER: someone who can write like anyone except himself.
NEW AGE : a musical substitute for Valium.
NEW YEARS EVE: the night of the year when contractors are forced to hire musicians they despise.
ORCHESTRATOR: the musician who enhances a composer's music, only to be chastised for it.
PERCUSSIONIST: a drummer who can't swing.
PERFECT PITCH: the ability to pinpoint any note and still play out of tune.
PIANIST: an archaic term for a keyboard player.
PRODIGY: a kid who has as much chance at a normal childhood as the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series.
RAGA: the official music of New York's Taxi and Limousine Commission.
RARE VIOLIN: a Stradivarius, not to be confused with a rare violinist, which is someone over four foot eleven.
SIDEMAN: the appellation that guarantees a musician will never be rich.
STAFF MUSICIAN: harder to locate than a cavity in the Osmond family.
STEADY ENGAGEMENT: look up in Webster's Dictionary under the word "obsolete."
24\7: the time signature of the national anthem of India.
UNION REP: a guy who thinks big bands are coming back.
VERSE: the part of a tune that's disposable, except to its composer.
VIOLA D'AMORE: a baroque string instrument and coincidentally the hooker Bach lost his virginity to.
WURLITZER: the Ford Pinto of pianos.
YANNI: a man blessed with great hair for music.

John Forster - A Mismatch Made in Hell

2010-03-04T12:39:00.000-08:00

Felicidad America (Obama - Obama) and HOPE - Obama Musical Story

2010-01-27T10:38:00.000-08:00

Two special videos from Germany

Obamasong (Yes We Can) by Guy 'Magic' Fingers & Barack Obama

2010-01-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

Equal time... Inspired by Henry Hey....

Katie went to Haiti, by Cole Porter

2010-01-27T00:33:00.000-08:00

Katie went to Haiti
by Cole Porter
-----------------------------------------------
Published November, 1939.
Introduced by Ether Merman
and ensemble.
-----------------------------------------------
Refrain I

Katie went to Haiti,
Stopped off for a rest.
Katie met a natie,
Katie was impressed.
After a week in Haiti
She started to go away,
Then Katie met another natie,
So Katie prolonged her stay.
After a month in Haiti
She decided to resume her trip,
But Katie met still another natie
And Katie missed the ship.
So Katie lived in Haiti,
Her life there, it was great,
’Cause Katie knew her Haiti
And practically all Haiti knew Katie.

Refrain 2

Katie stayed in Haiti
Spending all her pay.
Katie met a natie
Ev'ry other day.
Katie would tell the natie
That Katie was out for thrills.
Each natie got a few for Katie
And Katie, she got the bills.
After a year in Haiti
She decided she should really go
But Katie had lived at such a ratie
That Katie had no dough.
So Katie stuck to Haiti
Delighted with her fate,
'Cause Katie still had Haiti
And practically all Kaiti had katie.

Refrain 3

Katie looked at Haiti
Feeling rather tired.
Katie met a natie.
Katie was inspired.
After another natie
She sat down and wrote a book,
A guidebook for visitors to Haiti
Called "Listen, Stop, and Look!"
After the book by Katie
Had been published in the U.S.A.
The ratie of tourist trade in Haiti
Got bigger ev'ry day.
When Katie died at eighty
They buried her in state,
For Katie made her Haiti
And practically all Haiti made Katie.

Arranger Joke

2010-01-26T12:01:00.000-08:00

An L.A. recording session ground to a halt yesterday when an oboe player, who was constantly sucking on her reed during rests and between takes, inadvertently inhaled and swallowed it.

The conductor immediately called 911 and asked what he should do.

The operator told him, "Use muted trumpet instead."

Disco Do-Re-Mi in a Belgian Train Station

2009-05-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

More than 200 dancers perform "Do Re Mi" in Antwerp Central Railway Station, in a publicity stunt for a Belgian television program looking for someone to play Maria in "The Sound of Music."

Music to Dialog, by Henry Hey

2009-02-19T10:17:00.000-08:00

Bush Song:

Palin Song:

McCain & Palin Sing:

And the original:

Henry Hey is at: http://www.nineteeneight.com/

The Importance of Conductors

2008-08-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

A conductor became ill before a concert one evening and the orchestra had to find an emergency substitute conductor immediately. The only person in the orchestra with any conducting experience was the 2nd trombone player. He bravely and meticulously conducted the concert and it was a tremendous success. The regular conductor had recovered by the next night and was back on the job. As the trombone player took his seat in the orchestra, the 1st trombone player turned to him and asked, "So, where were you last night?"

How to Handel a Singer

2008-08-06T16:48:00.000-07:00

An English Singer, named Gordon, once found fault with Handel's method of accompanying. High words ensued ; and Gordon finished by saying, that, if Handel persisted in accompanying him in that manner, he would jump upon his Harpsichord and smash it to pieces. ' Oh ! ' replied Handel, ' let me know when you will do that, and I will advertise it ; for I am sure more people will come to see you jump, than to hear you sing.'

from The Life of George Frederick Handel
By William Smyth Rockstro, George Frideric Handel
Published by Macmillan, 1883

A Very Special Music Video

2008-06-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

And now for something completely different…

Take a break and enjoy:

To watch in high Quality, click here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY&feature=user
Then click: Watch In High Quality, right underneath the video.

This is Garry Scyman's third collaboration scoring Matt Harding’s famous videos on YouTube. If you look closely at 3:40 you can see Garry conducting the string section while Matt dances! Drums and Engineering by Dan Blessinger, Guitar by Kevin Dukes, Vocals by Palbasha Siddique, Concert Master Belinda Broughton.

14 months in the making, 42 countries, and a cast of thousands.

The music can be purchased here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B001B8R3MS/

More info: http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/

Mozart Bond

2008-03-13T16:58:00.001-07:00

I Will Survive

2008-02-21T15:28:00.000-08:00

Music Theory Joke

2008-02-19T09:35:00.000-08:00

From piano technician Ed Whitting:

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenors as patrons, and the soprano is out in the bathroom, everything has become altoo much treble; he needs a rest, and closes the bar.

The difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician

2007-10-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

Q: What is the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?

A: A Blues musician plays 3 chords in front of 1000 people. A Jazz musician plays 1000 chords in front of 3 people.

McFerrin/Bach/Gounod

2007-04-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

Pearls Before Breakfast

2007-04-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

Joshua Bell is one of the world's greatest violinists. His instrument of choice is a multimillion-dollar Stradivarius. If he played it for spare change, incognito, outside a bustling Metro stop in Washington, would anyone notice? Click here to find out.

How NOT To Release A Piano Album

2007-02-22T21:30:00.000-08:00

Masterpieces Or Fakes? The Joyce Hatto Scandal - Gramophone article

Click here for audio examples & digital audio analysis -
Joyce Hatto: The Ultimate Recording Hoax - http://www.pristineclassical.com/HattoHoax.html

Rachmaninoff's Big Hands

2007-02-19T23:23:00.000-08:00

Rachmaninoff's Big Hands - http://www.igudesmanandjoo.com/video/igujoo_rachmaninov.htm
(forwarded by Alan Steinberger)

Ouch, and True

2007-02-18T23:27:00.000-08:00

Forwarded by violinist Marcy Vaj:

Dave runs into Bob on the street in Manhattan. "Bob! I haven't seen you in years! What have you been up to?"

Bob says, "Well, when we last worked together, I was playing tenor and soprano."
Dave says, "Yeah I remember that."
Bob says, "Well, I started writing for that band."
Dave says, "Really? I never heard about that."
Bob says, "Yeah, and then I published a bunch of the charts for student bands."
Dave says, "Really? I never heard about that."
Bob says, "Yeah, and it worked out pretty well, and I started getting commissions."
Dave says, "Really? I never heard about that."
Bob says, "Yeah, and then I started writing for the Kenton and Herman bands."
Dave says, "Really? I never heard about that."
Bob says, "Yeah, it worked out pretty well. Then I got in touch with some Hollywood guys, and I started writing for pop records."
Dave says, "Really? I never heard about that."
Bob says, "That went pretty well, and I actually got nominated for a Grammy for writing."
Dave says, "Really? I never heard about that."
Bob says, "That went pretty well, and I started writing for movie soundtracks."
Dave says, "Really? I never heard about that."
Bob says, "Yeah, and I got nominated for an Oscar for my writing on a feature film."
Dave says, "Really? I never heard about that."
Bob says, "Yeah, it was pretty cool. Once I got nominated, the writing work really started pouring in."
Dave says, "Really? I never heard about that."
Bob says, "Yeah - amazing. Pop groups, studio sessions, commercials, new bands, diva singers, everything."
Dave says, "Really? That's amazing. I never heard about that."
Bob says, "Well, but the problem was, I really let my sax chops slide."
Dave says, "Really?"
Bob says, "In fact, I'm in town to receive another writing award, and I just sat in this morning at a jam session down in the Village."
Dave says, "Really?"
Bob says, "Yeah, and it didn't go too well - I've been away from the horn for quite a while."
Dave says, "Really."
Bob says, "So, I took a couple of solos, and they weren't very good."
Dave says, "Yeah, I heard about that."

Most Horrible Sound in the World

2007-01-29T14:16:00.000-08:00

Most Horrible Sound in the World

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/01/24/most-disgusting-sound-in-the-world/

Listen to Old Piano Rolls on your computer

2007-01-26T11:04:00.000-08:00

Also from Howard Levitsky:

http://www.trachtman.org/rollscans

A good friend of mine has posted on his website MIDI files of player piano rolls he has optically scanned and converted, using software he developed. It's an enormous project, also involving recutting rolls that would otherwise be lost to age and damage. He's got close to 2000 titles so far, carefully indexed and sortable in many ways. (Only the titles in public domain are publically downloadable.) I've attached 4 of them: Gershwin playing "Swanee", Zez Confrey playing his "Kitten on the Keys" and two other songs played by the famous 2-piano team Arden and Ohman. They'll play on Quicktime or any other MIDI-playing application.

My friend, BTW, is an MIT-trained engineer... And one of the Good Guys. This project is a hobby and he's made the results available to all.

Japanese Fiddler on the Roof

2007-01-26T10:58:00.000-08:00

Click here for Japanese Fiddler on the Roof

From NYC keyboardist/conductor Howard Levitsky:
"...rehearsal footage of a Japanese production of FIDDLER. I always wondered what it sounded like in Japanese."

Here's to The Ladies Who Lunch

2007-01-04T16:39:00.000-08:00

THE LADIES WHO LUNCH
—Stephen Sondheim

(spoken) I’d like to propose a toast.

Here’s to the ladies who lunch -
Everybody laugh.
Lounging in their caftans
And planning a brunch
On their own behalf.
Off to the gym,
Then to a fitting,
Claiming they’re fat.
And looking grim,
‘Cause they’ve been sitting
Choosing a hat.
Does anyone still wear a hat?
I’ll drink to that.
And here’s to the girls who play smart -
Aren’t they a gas?
Rushing to their classes
In optical art,
Wishing it would pass.
Another long exhausting day,
Another thousand dollars,
A matinee, a Pinter play,
Perhaps a piece of Mahler’s.
I’ll drink to that.
And one for Mahler!
And here’s to the girls who play wife -
Aren’t they too much?
Keeping house but clutching
A copy of "Life"
Just to keep in touch.
The ones who follow the rules,
And meet themselves at the schools,
Too busy to know that they’re fools.
Aren’t they a gem?
I’ll drink to them!
Let us all drink to them!
And here’s to the girls who just watch -
Aren’t they the best?
When they get depressed,
It’s a bottle of Scotch,
Plus a little jest.
Another chance to disapprove,
Another brilliant zinger,
Another reason not to move,
Another vodka stinger.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
I’ll drink to that.
So here’s to the girls on the go -
Everybody tries.
Look into their eyes,
And you’ll see what they know:
Everybody dies.
A toast to that invincible bunch,
The dinosaurs surviving the crunch.
Let’s hear it for the ladies who lunch -
Everybody rise!
Rise!
Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise!
Rise!

Jascha Heifetz on how NOT to play the violin

2007-01-02T10:57:00.000-08:00

Imitating bad students:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5SluQyVqWQ&NR

(sent to me by Kevan Torfeh, originally forwarded by Nancy Roth)

Jascha Heifetz's web page:
http://www.jaschaheifetz.com/

Follow-up from John Forster

2007-01-01T23:54:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends -

Between President Ford and Saddam Hussein, NPR has been dealing with the late and the late-breaking. However, this morning's dearth of death gave our little story its window. If you're interested, the link below takes you to the song. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6705929

Wishing you all a wonderful and peaceful New Year,
John

This just in from John Forster

2006-12-27T14:59:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends -

A note to let you know that "NOT ON THE TEST," a new satirical song I wrote with longtime collaborator Tom Chapin, airs THURSDAY morning on NPR's Morning Edition. It'll be coming out of a Larry Abramson story on school testing and will air at roughly 25 minutes past the hour (though they can't tell us WHICH hour). If you're listening to NPR tomorrow morning keep your ears peeled.

John Forster

Choral Humor

2006-12-18T22:55:00.000-08:00

Click here for choral humor:

http://www.oratoriosocietyofny.org/ChorusHumor.html

The All-Purpose Carol

2006-12-07T23:19:00.001-08:00

You may enjoy this excerpt of The All-Purpose Carol, written and produced by a brilliant guy I've been privileged to work with a few times: John Forster, on a children's album by Tom Chapin, called Making Good Noise. This song was in a show called Both Barrels - which I piano/conducted in 1999, after Steve Orich musical directed. The rest of Making Good Noise is also brilliant, and it's now my kids' favorite.

It's That Time of Year...

2006-12-07T23:06:00.000-08:00

Flashback to holiday fun with John Sawoski's 1997 WWW Christmas special

Only Ten Times Better?

2006-11-30T12:23:00.000-08:00

- sent by Gary Gray.

Marxisms

2006-11-30T00:02:00.000-08:00

Not only does Gregg Marx have a great voice, but he's very funny, too. As the grandson of Gummo Marx, maybe it's in his genes.

Here are a few of the new expressions (with handy definitions) that we came up with while rehearsing for his recent nightclub performances:

Cha Cha Rubato - noun - 1. An energetic yet relaxed Latina friend. 2. A special, new musical groove.
Freely Galore - noun - 1. A woman who is not just James Bond's secretary. 2. Ubiquitous rubato sections in the music.
Cheeseball Adjacent - adjective - Borderline unhip (inspired by uninspiring yet authentic sheet music.)

Many more neologisms to come.

2006-11-29T09:58:00.000-08:00

So you love music?

Well, you picked a good planet.

You can't get away from music anywhere on Earth. Especially singers.

Here in this blog, The Wit and Wisdom of Singers and Musicians, we'll be talking in particular about the experiences of singers and musicians in musical theatre and concert, and checking out their cleverness.

I'm John Sawoski, pianist and musical director, and I have the privilege to be your host. I hope you can spend a few moments here from time to time.